Backlog: These are Jokes, Aren't They?

The next bit of the backlog to be tackled is clearly the petitions that, please, please, please, are jokes. Aren't they?

• enforce laws pertaining to the practice of archery by boys and men from 12 years and older,for 2 hours on a sunday,supervised by clergy.also to repeal the ban on bowhunting. (I used to go out with a chap who was at various points in the relationship the Secretary and Captain of the Durham University Archery Club. I can therefore vouch for the fact that not even they obey this law: they shoot on Wednesdays and Saturdays.)
• to allow the sale of elephants in pet shops in the UK
• establish a law
  that forbids hairdressers and fish and chip shop owners from giving their establishments silly names.
• Pass law that eggnog must be available to patrons of all licensed premises during Advent (Arguably, since most pubs serve advocaat, an alcoholic drink containing eggs, most of them already comply with this request ...)
• Introduce a 99p coin.
• Prohibit the sale of Baked Beans
• replace the national anthem with 'Gold' by Spandau Ballet (4324 people have signed this ...)
• save Earl Grey tea from the heathen philistines of the EU.
• endorse a scheme that would see the child benefit scheme extended to cats. (never let it be said that I am not a cat-lover. However, even I am not such a cat-lover as that ...)