Backlog: the Green Ink Brigade

At this point my examination of the backlog may start to cause offence. These are petitions which I consider, for a variety of reasons, to be completely ludicrous, and created by members of the Green Ink Brigade. Obviously, some of them are more comic, others more grotesque; some are deeply worrying. Many give no further explanation for themselves, or no meaningful expansion, in their "More details from the petition creator" section.

• Have Britain Removed from the commonwealth (this is calling for Britain to be "ousted" from the Commonwealth. One wonders whether the author wishes the Commonwealth to repudiate Britain or vice-versa ... if the former, surely the PM is not the person to petition? And then I say to myself: Jenny, old girl, you can't hyper-analyse the irrational.)
• stop are young children being killed in the army, raise the age for sending them into war zones from 18 years to 21 years (spelling and grammar aside, one suspects that this petitioner may have lost someone they held dear. Which being so, every sympathy. But calling 18- to 20-year-old British soldiers, volunteers, "young children" is ... not rational, in my opinion.)
• Ban all Horses From Public Roads
• Stop all benefits to Non British citizens, and pull out of our agreement made in the Geneva Convetion
• British Background Checks on Citizens.Must have 300+ years as British Bloodline
• Stop Elegal and Conflickting Cultures / Immigrants Coming to England
• campaign to stop john humphrys interrupting people
• give all ladys the chance to have a family (it appears this grammar-challenged petitioner wishes IVF treatment to be more readily available. Not, in itself, unreasonable. Just a little ... excessive.)
• Ban the continual breeding and sale of non-pedigree kittens (I like moggies, non-pedigree cats. I hope I'd always choose to buy from a responsible source; this petitioner is mostly complaining about the sort of breeders I certainly wouldn't buy from. But the phrasing ... the obsessiveness ...!)