Friendship

The petition is entitled Ensure that a simple Declaration of Friendship is signed between Kinsale,Eire and Barry,Wales and the explanatory notes say

"We endeavour to have a simple Declaration of Friendship Pact between our two communities and ask both town councils to abide by the wishes of the Towns People. We further ask our Councils and Mayors to represent the Twin Towns communities and our Mayors to lead the way. This is not a political issue and would not normally require the intervention of our Government. Although we have asked for this simple declaration for over ten years now and are no closer to our goal, Kinsale are unanimous in its intentions yet Barry still hold back. Why ? Anything political is internal and fighting within local Government should not prevent the wishes of the people occur. We only ask for a simple Declaration of Friendship, and ask for support to unite further two towns with historic, family and strong links at no cost. Surely all friendships in modern times can only be for the common good and should proceed with all haste and deserve full support of all. Thankyou in advance for your support."

So far as I can understand this petitioner's ramble, it seems that Kinsale wish to twin themselves or have a declaration of friendship between them and Barry, and Barry do not. So Kinsale - or a Kinsale resident, at least - has decided to ask the government to force them to be friends.

I'm sorry, petitioner. You can't be friends with someone who doesn't want to be friends with you.

A spot of Googling shows a singular lack of internet campaigning about the matter. In fact, one might even get the impression there's a sole lunatic responsible for this petition.

Scrapping and Creating Laws

The petition is entitled Make Parliament scrap two old laws before introducing any new one and the explanatory notes say

"In the last ten years, Parlament has introduced about 4,000 new ways for us to fall foul of the law. There are far too many outdated laws, rules and regulations for a free country. Let's scrap two for each new one introduced, we won't miss them!"

This is a fascinating idea.

It's manifestly impractical - you'd never get them to agree to it in the first place, let alone on what they should scrap - but astonishingly appealing.

Permanent Votes

The petition is entitled Bring in a system of Permanent Votes and the explanatory notes say

"Change the voting system so that at any time we can change whom we have voted for if we do not like the behavior of our MP or any other reason. Thus MP'S majorities will change on a daily basis. Their majorities published daily like the stock exchange prices, with movements up and down If the total of votes is below a majority then a change of MP, indeed party is made. Thus putting power in the hands of the voter."

Unbelievably, unfeasibly complicated. Just ... totally insane. Impossible to set up in the first place (you'd presumably want to do it electronically which would involve having some kind of secure system which, well, the government's shite at at the best of times). And then hopelessly impractical even if you could set it up - probably not a problem in safe seats where the same MP would stay put, but in marginals you'd have someone being replaced every five minutes. Which is not the way to get an MP who knows what they're doing.

For that matter, no one would stand in marginals: they'd be running the risk that they could lose the seat and yet a month or two later be called up for a month or two .. no employer would stand for it, I think, and how could anyone cope?

Madness.

Lefthandedness

The petition is entitled consider legislation to support left handed people within the UK and the explanatory notes say

"many manufacturers do not cater for gifted people of this country who are left handed we require that the government bring in legislation to end the discrimination towards those who are primarily LEFT HANDED.IT SHOULD BE COMPULSORY TO BE OFFERED LEFT HANDED ALTERNATIVES FOR ALL ITEMS SOLD WITHIN THE U.K."

This is quite an important issue to me: I'm lefthanded, and I did my MSc thesis on usability and things ... I care about it a lot.

There are lefthanders who turn to other lefthanders and say they can't imagine why we have problems with $whichever-righthanded-tool, because they find it easy. My housemate Ian's lefthanded but has no problem with a righthanded tin-opener, for example. Not that he's offensive about my inability to use one, unlike some people I've talked to. But anyway - it's not really a binary thing: you're either lefthanded or righthanded; there are degrees. I'm pretty strongly left-dominant and there are many tasks I just can't do righthanded. Or can but it either takes ages or is done badly or both.

I can get all sorts of lefthanded things: scissors of all kinds; fountain pens; even rulers and tape-measures; tin-openers and potato peelers; computer equipment ... (Anything Left-handed is my prefered supplier.)

It is not discrimination for manufacturers to not make things lefthanded, however. It's simple economics. Even if 10% of the population is lefthanded, something like half of those are sufficiently ambidextrous to use righthanded products. Setting up for a potentially very different product for perhaps 5% of the market is just not economically viable. Legislating for it would be silly - it would drive costs up for everyone.

Now, if you wanted legislation to help you, perhaps the answer would be to ask for some kind of disability allowance to be permissible to offset the increased costs of the things one can buy.

More Healthcare Reimbursement

The petition is entitled confirm any person who having paid National Insurance contributions is denied National Health Service treatment on grounds of being overweight, a smoker or any situation that results in non compliance will be entitled to compensation as follows. a - full reimbusement of lifetime contributions via National Insurance to include interest back to day 1 calculated at 2% above the average Bank Rate for each and every year.b - When legislation is introduced the Government lists conditions/addictions that render individuals ineligible for treatment and confirm with immediate effect they will no longer be required to make any further contributions. Refunds under (a) will be made to relevant persons.c- any person who has made contribuions but is denied medical treatment on any grounds is entitled to compensation at the rate of £25,000 per annum. In the event of death arising from non treatment to contributors dependents to receive compensation based upon period of life expectancy had adequate treatment been applied and the explanatory notes say

"Paying National Insurance contributions in the belief if you are ill you are legally entitled to medical treatment is now being challenged by the Health Minister who implies certain ailments conditions or addictions may longer qualify. Once non qualifiers are established those persons should make no further contributions and be entitled for refund of all contributions made plus interest. You cannot charge for a service you do not intend to supply, commonly known in"

For pity's sake, is it so hard to do a quick search to make sure you don't duplicate another petition? I've written about this already, dammit!! See the post Healthcare Reimbursement.

Public Transport Pricing

The petition is entitled stop putting public transport prices up whilst encouraging people to use public transport and the explanatory notes say

"the cost of a return tube fare into zone 1 is the same as the congestion charge. why should we use the tube if this is the case? Why should we have to use Oyster cards which track our journeys and are another step on the road to a surveillance state?"

I opened this because it seemed like a jolly sensible petition - there is something truly horrific about the fact that it's often cheaper for me to hire a car to travel from A to B than to get the train.

Then I saw the explanatory notes and saw red. It's not really the petitioner's fault - they're clearly a Londoner, so being London-centric isn't offensive (the way it is when, say, there's 2mm of snow in London and the media says "England" has ground to a halt). But still, it makes me twitch a bit.

I've signed it anyway, though.

Ban Veils!

The petition is entitled "BAN THE VEIL" and the explanatory notes say

"Let all of us in the UK have the decency and courage to show our faces.

It is the only way we will create trust in our community."

Bit harsh on the nuns, innit? I assume there are still some nuns in the country who wear full habits. Not to mention - are you going to ban all those exceptionally silly Ascot hats with filmy silly veil things as well? What about motor cyclists? I hope you're not going to ban them from wearing sensible face-coverings, for all they're effectively veils. What about brides???